Alpha Hour with Stirling Cooper

Stirling Cooper, author, public speaker, influencer, and most notably, the world’s #1 male intimacy coach,  joined us for our first real-life Alpha Event in Marbella, Spain, on December 22’. Below are select questions that have been lightly edited for clarity. The full interview will be made available exclusively to vVv holders.

Stirling: Greetings, everyone. My name is Stirling Cooper.

To summarize my accolades, I am an award-winning adult entertainment film star, a former high-class male companion, and now a male sex coach.

My background before that is as a pharmaceutical research/industrial chemist. I am a published scientific author.

After that phase of my life, I ran a meal delivery business. A fat loss-focused healthy meal delivery business that was successful.  I ended up selling that and then branched off.

Currently, I combine my chemistry background and my ability to dive into peer-reviewed scientific literature to critique and assess its legitimacy. My background in nutrition is helping people lose a ton of weight. And of course, my personal experience of performing under extremely high-pressure scenarios has helped males all around the world overcome several physical and mental issues.

Sean: You’ve spoken about being a nerd in several interviews. How does a nerd end up as a adult entertainment film star?

Stirling: Well, an overwhelming urge to prove people wrong. It’s a very common thing among people in the adult industry. You’d be surprised how many guys and girls are complete nerds. Primarily because many people in that industry were the ugly duckling who became the beautiful swan later in life. That manifests when they are adults and in their 20s and 30s. When these people are allowed into this industry, it’s like being a kid in a candy store, having accessibility to many gorgeous beautiful women, and being paid for it. I would say that is the motivation.

As a woman, it’s super easy. It’s just a case of emailing a director, and you’re in. As a guy, it’s probably one of the hardest industries to get into. Every man on the planet has at least thought about doing that job. To get in, you’ll have to be able to figure out and navigate the social network while climbing the social hierarchy.

I come from a tiny 3000-person town in rural Western Australia. And to clarify, no such industry exists in my tiny town, and I had to figure out how to break in. For those of you who don’t know Twitter has a dedicated section and I was able to figure out who to follow and in turn what individuals these key people followed. I figured out that some things were being shot in Melbourne, Australia, and decided to set myself apart from the vast majority of male applicants. My impression of how the average man would apply is that he sends the director – who is probably a 40-year-old man – a picture of his “Johnson” and expect the job. Let’s be honest, the director will not be very impressed with that. My approach was to film a bunch of demo footage. This way I could prove that I was able to perform under pressure. I then sent this to several directors with a professionally written email that included my background and past projects. The replies said this was the most professional application they had ever received, and they gave me a shot. This was how I got my first ever job in that industry.

Then I applied a principle that I used for my first venture which was an underwear business. I had run a successful Kickstarter campaign from the comfort of my living room in rural Australia. And I even managed to get published in Forbes Business Insider and a bunch of really top-tier US publications on that initial startup.

All this by applying a principle that I learned from a man called Ryan Holiday who authored an amazing book called “Trust Me, I’m Lying – Confessions of a Media Manipulator”. In the book, he talks about how journalists and the press, are hungry for stories. If you can give them a portrait of a pre-made story, which is very click-baiting, you’re solving a problem for them and they’re likely to publish your story. More so than the guy who’s like, “Hey, would you please write about my company?”. Instead, you say “Hey, I anonymously” – as somebody else – “I’ve thought about Company X, does this extreme thing” and in the email subject line, lay it out exactly. In essence, you’re writing for the journalist. When they click on the subject line, it’s a good title and headline. And I applied that exact same principle to get cast in this adult industry, networking and then climbing the social hierarchy. After the first gig, I took that experience and pitched to a slightly bigger and less amateurish company. I presented the same problem-solving attitude with my email application.

Something I borrowed from George Clooney that led to his success in Hollywood was his change in attitude toward getting casting calls. Previously, he went to a casting call thinking “ I’m looking for a job and to get cast.” He then changed his perspective to “I’m solving a problem for the director.” And that’s exactly how I applied my mentality and pitched to directors. These directors have problems. The role/job is actually extremely hard to do and most men can’t do it because it’s an extremely high-pressure job. A billion dudes are applying but ultimately can’t do it. Of course, I kept leveraging previous experience to get higher and higher up the food chain. Until I eventually worked in all the major hubs in Europe. I worked in London, eventually made my way to Los Angeles, and ended up working at the peak of the industry for the biggest companies in the world and getting nominated and winning awards in America.

That’s the principle that I applied, which I think is very universally applicable to getting attention, press, or working your way up any social ladder. I have never seen anyone apply this tactic where it didn’t work.

Sean: Do you still apply that same logic to your current business?

Stirling: Yes, I used the same logic when I started my YouTube channel. I have an entire YouTube channel where I give out many lessons for free on all different kinds of male performance problems. But the YouTube space isn’t one that’s necessarily super easy to conquer; it requires a lot of consistency. One of the things that helps you succeed on YouTube is to network with bigger YouTubers, collaborations, and shout-outs. Applying the exact same principle, again, I managed to network and collaborate with big authors and influencers in the men’s self-help and self-development space.

That’s the same way I ended up becoming personal friends with Andrew and Tristan Tate. For example, the exact same principle, networking through Twitter, networking through YouTube, and starting with smaller fish and then gradually building up that reputation and network until the bigger fish start paying attention to you and, and seeing you in their peripheral vision.

Once you notice that they noticed you, you might for instance on Twitter, tweet them or perhaps comment on a YouTube video or even a third-party reference saying something about your podcast. After some confirmation that they were at least somewhat aware of me, I would then reach out and try to get them on my channel for an interview or a collaboration. That was exactly how I progressed my way through that YouTube network.

Sean: What’s your current passion and business?

Stirling: Right now, the main business is helping guys. It’s a passion of mine because I wake up to emails, DMS, and messages every day from guys whose marriages and relationships I’ve helped. The new project I’m working on right now is a supplement line, where I’m going to try and help a bunch of guys with the specific supplementation that I personally used.

Sean: You mentioned something about testosterone. We had the same conversation now with a couple of different people, with Dorian Yates for example. What’s your perspective on TRT? When should you take it and when should you not take it? 

Stirling: Yeah, that’s a good question. Most average guys are unaware of TRT or have been shamed into not taking it. I don’t think you should ever not take TRT because you think it’s somehow cheating or playing unfairly. That’s ridiculous because the world that we have lived in for our entire lives has bombarded the male body. Not only the male but also the female. As we invited our bodies with estrogen-mimicking compounds and things that have proactively reduced our testosterone levels, we have gotten significantly less testosterone levels than our grandparents have. There are studies that have documented this. We get things like microplastics into our bodies through plastic bottles of water. We get estrogen-mimicking compounds in our water supply through women who take the birth control pill. Their urine ends up in the table water and returns to the water supply.

One of the best books you can read, but which will also make you super paranoid, is “Estrogeneration: How Estrogenics Are Making You Fat, Sick, and Infertile” by Anthony G Jay. Dr. Jay talks about the massive amounts of daily compounds that you’re being exposed to from the food and water supply to literally touching receipt paper, which is also something you should avoid. I know that sounds extreme, but I think it was a compound in the receipt that can be absorbed through the skin and acts like an estrogen-mimicking compound in your body, thus producing the same effects as estrogen. 

You’ve been brought up in a world where you’re inept if you live that of the average normal American. If you live the average American lifestyle then you’ve definitely been exposed to this stuff. 

Second, not everybody needs TRT-specific use. There are basic lifestyle changes that can help to significantly improve your natural testosterone production. Because once your natural production mechanisms stop, you’re forced to take TRT for the rest of your life. Things such as optimal sleep, stress management, diet, and healthy cholesterol levels can already improve your levels immensely and all these things contribute to your body’s natural ability to produce testosterone. Also avoiding the things that I just previously mentioned, like receipt paper, drinking out of plastics, and filtering drinking water with activated charcoal. Of course, it depends on your personal preference. Do you want to go down a natural route or do you do the TRT thing? Just be aware that it might have been fixed by doing more holistic responses if you’ve gone the TRT route.

Sean: Can you talk about your journey from being the lone wolf, achieving success to then finding brotherhood and the importance of that?

Stirling: For me, it was something I wasn’t super consciously aware of until the whole COVID situation happened. I was in LA at the time which was one of the worst places in the lockdown as it was very boring. I didn’t realize until then how many of my friends and acquaintances now, were brainwashed and unable to have an ounce of critical thought. 

At that time there were only about two men in my life who felt the same way as I did. Throughout my whole journey from high school to university and through my various careers, I’ve met two men who shared my viewpoints and kept me from insanity. After that, I started to meet other like-minded people, which gave me a sense of relief. I realized there are other men like us, thank goodness. The best part about this is when you surround yourself with like-minded men, it allows you to question each other. You’re not just parroting the exact same points again and again. Men will call each other out. They have that degree of integrity and respect. Now I’m surrounded by a bunch of men who have similar worldviews and values, but we can still question each other. We hold each other accountable, forcing us to be better every day. It forces us to be better in all aspects of our life, in our relationships, physically, our health, business, money, building our networks, and becoming more financially resilient. That’s only possible with brotherhood. You really can’t do that on your own.

It’s hard to accomplish things as a lone wolf because you’re so easy to take advantage of. It’s easy to be manipulated or for people to find your weakness and expose it. If you’ve got like-minded men around you, holding each other accountable, they can prevent that. Perhaps you are starting a business with somebody who’s maybe a shady character. Well, if a man is truly your brother, and he has your best interests at heart, he’s going to call you out on that and tell you that maybe that guy you’re doing business with will screw you over. 

Finding like-minded men is like a multiplier effect on your success. It will raise your standards about what you think is possible and what you expect of yourself. It’s an uncomfortable thing but in a positive way.

Sean: What’s your opinion on living alone, with your girl, versus living with other men?

Stirling: I did all three, I have lived with past partners, I’ve lived with dudes, and I’ve lived alone.

I don’t think it’s productive for a man to live 24/7 with his wife. You need to create time-outs with her and some time away. You’re working, grinding, and building your empire while away. I think it’s ok to spend time with your girl but being around her 24/7 can make you too comfortable. Women have this nurturing ability about them. They take care of you and want you to relax, and enjoy their company. 

When you are around like-minded men, they’re going to be calling you out and test you for being lazy if you didn’t hit the gym that day. For the last two years, I’ve been living with one of my best friends, and we will just spontaneously drop and start doing push-ups. That’s just one aspect of our understanding that we’re going to push each other in every aspect. If one does 40 push-ups, the other will do as well and then return to work. If one has made this X amount of money this month, the other will make twice as much. It’s very different living with a like-minded guy versus living with another guy. After college, I lived with some guys who did not have the same values or drive. Make sure you live with a brother who’s on the same path as you and who is as driven as you. Otherwise, it will take from your energy as you drag him up, or it might end in conflict.

As for living alone, that depends on how you like to work. I know that I personally can focus a lot better when I’m by myself. In other aspects of my life, like relationships and fitness, I do significantly better around my brothers. It depends mostly on which area of your life needs the most focus. 

Regarding relationships and attitude, having like-minded brothers who hold you accountable will always benefit you. Regarding relationships with women, they will need time away from you to appreciate you. When you’re around 24/7 everything becomes familiar, comfortable, and boring, and boredom is the kiss of death. With women, you can be everything to a woman, except for being boring. This element of unpredictability, having time away from her, and being apart from her periodically keeps that excitement and tension. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. When she’s away from you, she’s missing you, and when she’s missing you, she will remember why she appreciates you and everything she loves you for. Whereas if she’s around all the time, she’ll take you for granted.

Sean: What’s your opinion on martial arts in the life of a man?

Stirling: I just did an eight-week fight camp with Brian as my trainer and I competed in my first amateur boxing match. You bet $1,000 that I would lose that fight, which I won.

Sean: Some extra energy, you’re welcome.

Stirling: I played sports all my life, and I’ve always been an athletic guy. A few years ago I started getting into boxing and sparring. Then I started networking with a few more like-minded guys, and I got into this fighting game. It was a bit more of a mental challenge than a physical one to go through these eight weeks with a fight at the end of it. It’s not every day you wake up and get punched in the face. There are a bunch of other dudes in this, and I’m not going to let them down, or have them think badly of me. These are all useful emotional treatments that can drive me to do amazing things. And on top of that, obviously the importance of knowing how to physically defend yourself or how to fight. Even if you’re not great at fighting, the willingness to fight is more important than how good you are. I’m not the world’s most competent boxer. I just jumped the guy down and was way too persistent. If you have a wife and kids, when someone breaks into your house or when some random drunk idiot is going to step up to you on the sidewalk and threaten you or your family’s life, then you have the ability to handle that physical confrontation with a calmness which might save you.

That degree of calmness from being exposed to it, again and again, is the closest thing we have that can mimic martial arts. So, you might as well try it. Expose yourself to that level of nerves, anxiety, adrenaline, and uncomfortability. That will also help you in all aspects of your life. You’re not only going to be physically healthier but also mentally tougher and knowing you can take a punch will make you walk differently through the world.

In some countries, it comes down to having and knowing how to use a firearm. If you have access to that, I highly encourage you to do that as well. But sometimes you do not have access to them, and then you might need to use these techniques like knowing how to grapple or choke somebody out. These things make you more competent.

Sean: There were a lot of different fights at the event, and Sterling’s fight was one of the most impressive. Not because of the technique but because he never backed down. He did not give the other guy a reprieve. 

You could tell he was out of steam, but Sterling kept pushing and pushing. There was not a millisecond where the other guy had any room to recover. And despite being over the edge of his stamina, Stirling kept going.

That reflects the mindset which has allowed him to be very successful in one space and then turn into a very successful businessman in another. And still being able to keep pushing despite his current comfort and achieve greater things.

Sean: Can you share your motivation to start fighting?

Stirling: My motivation is that when I have a son, I want him to learn how to fight. If I, as a father, have not gotten into the ring before, I’ll be a bloody hypocrite. If I’m going to look my son in the eye and say, “you need to learn how to box, ” I better have done it myself; simple as that.

Sean: Can you talk about the influence your father had on you and whether or not he played a role in your success?

Stirling: This will not be a very nice answer because I don’t think he played that much of a role in my success. My father was a provider and kept a roof over my head. I can never fault him for that. As a providing father, he was as perfect as you’d want. I never went without food or a roof over my head. But he didn’t teach me anything about life. He was always working or taking his time away from the family to have his alone time. He never taught me anything about life like how to accomplish goals, how to be successful, how to be physically more capable and competent, or how to shoot firearms.

This led me to seek that knowledge from other mentors. I was fortunate that things like YouTube and the internet were around when I was coming of age. Because without that, I wouldn’t have found the mentorship I needed to get where I am today. I’m extremely fortunate that I was born in this information age where I can seek other like-minded men who have expertise in areas that I need. In a way, this was a big driver because when I was a teenager, I was quite resentful of my father, as he didn’t teach me anything. There was that drive of wanting to do much better and being a successful kid. Now, I’m the most successful in my family, so I guess it worked.

Sean: Why do you have to explore new ways of thinking?

Stirling: Because it would allow me to be more creative. I’m a systems-based, analytical guy. For me, the thing that I struggle with more than anything else is the creativity aspect, which is ironic because I’m a content creator. All of my content comes from fans, customers, and follower’s questions. Looking at the world and problems with new eyes will benefit my business.